Spiritual revelations on princess island

Some days I dont know whats happening, only that I am supposed to meet everyone in the hotel lobby at 9:30am. Maybe thats not so much taking an active approach to this journey, but I like the element of suprise. This day we took a magical ferry ride to princess island, a suprise and a delight. Sailing along the mighty Bosphorus, on one side Europe and the other Asia, underneath the black glassy surface were constellations of jellyfish suspended like jewels. The Island is strange, like some long abandoned attraction at a rundown theme park. There are no cars, only bicycles and horse drawn carriages. It is mostly residential, so there are palaces and next door to them, haunted houses, boarded up and abandoned. It is crawling with stray cats and dogs, like the former inhabitants left and forgot their beloved pets. We walked the streets winding higher up to the peak of the island. Iveta tells us there is a church at the top and this is a pilgrimage that was made especially by mothers who had lost their children, jokingly I asked, "what about children who've lost their mothers?" But the joke hit too close to home. Suddenly I am thrust into a kind of contemplation wholly unprepared for. But there, climbing this beautiful mountain on an island in Turkey, I cried for how greatful I am to be alive, the gift my mother gave me. How unexpected and astonishing that I am in this far off place. I cried all the way up that big fucking hill, flanked by my two stray dog friends, feeling untouchable, limitless, capable of great things, as alive and in the moment as I could hope to be. I went into the church and kissed the saints, put wishes in a jar, sat under arc angel michael in his hammered silver boots and said silly prayers and incantations in hopes that some kind of divinity would intervene and lead me down an unforseen path to more moments like this one. Thinking that was enough revelation for one day I quit the scene and sat down at the cafe conveniently located on the top of this big hill over looking all of creation. I order a turkish coffee, and it just so happens that Serkan, our handsome translator, is an expert at reading the coffee grounds. It goes like this...drink the coffee, leave the sludge in the bottom, place the saucer over the cup and flip, letting the goods get all stirred up, let stand five minutes. Then this total stranger tells me some of the most painfully insightful things I have ever heard. Enter revelation #2. Heres the quick and dirty: I collect experiences and people, store them because I am affraid to forget anything (truth). I can seem cold to people I dont know but the few people I let in trust me deeply (generic truth). I want to do something in academics but I am affraid to (scary truth), and I am going to, but I will have to move to do it. I set my goals much lower than what I am capable of achieving, if I removed my SELF IMPOSED limitations I could do something great (maybe generic but soul crushingly accurate). He said a bunch of other stuff that freaked me out, but it was a lot about school and living the dream and not being afraid of doing awesome shit, which has been weighing heavily on my mind during this trip. I dont care if it is real or not, he felt like some kind of mouth peice from god sent to tell me to stop being a lazy baby, and go do all the rad shit I am destined to do. I mean I made it all the way to fucking Turkey, never thought that would happen. Makes me wonder what else I could do. Maybe it doesnt sound as epic and revelatory as it seemed to me, but my pilgrimage yeilded at least the inkling of a desire to transgress some of my perceived limits, and thats a start. Plus everything probably seems monumental when your under the powerful spell of Turkey and all its beauty.