...and then panic shows up.

I had a nightmare last night. Maybe it was all the drunk young kids chaotic energy and the loud music that set my brain to some kind of unrest. Whatever the cause....Its come. The sheer panic. August 17th will be the day of my birth and my death and I am hurdling towards it with frightening speed and there is nothing I can do to stop it. All I have to do is get on that fucking plane and everything is going to be alright. In my dream I am getting on a train, and the door slams shut before I can grab my bags off the platform. Then the train takes off like a shot and I am screaming, "WAIT!!!!!" I know all my money and passport and addresses and everything is in that bag and I am on a train going too fast to god knows where, feeling desperate and lost. I don't need Carl Jung to tell me what that shit means. I am excited as hell, don't get me wrong, but this trip is also contradictory to what has been my nature for the past 26 years.